on our obsession with relationships

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 I had to quit my gym.

I couldn’t take it anymore. The classes were nice, the sauna was great, the pool was huge. There was nothing "wrong" with the place.

But the music. The goddamn music.

Unending streams of...
🤯 “Baby baby please / why’d you leave me?” 
🤢“I’m broken and empty inside without you” 
🤮“When I kissed you/ that’s when I knew/ I'm nothing without you”

I COULDN'T STAND IT. The frequency of those thought patterns.... just toss a wet blanket over me. It’s such a suffocating thought that someone else completes you.

NO. You complete you.

We are obsessed with relationships. We’re addicts. We are fixated on thinking this other mysterious, magical person is going to complete us. Make us feel whole. Love us to a state of permanence in "that way" Mom or Dad never could.

IT IS A LIE. OUR ENTIRE DISNEY, FAIRY TALE, HOLLYWOOD SOCIETY IS LYING TO US AND WE'VE ALL BEEN DUPED

There is one life-saving relationship. One relationship that needs your oxygen mask on. That is your relationship with yourself.

Usually, we only deal with our relationship with ourselves out of a crisis, or catastrophic breakup — and even then, we are desperately Tindering our way to the next one.

It is painful to look at yourself. No shit.

Romantic relationships function for two reasons:

1. Learning lessons
And
2. Having fun

If you are doing anything other than that, it is time to look at the state of your relationship.

Marriage is beautiful. Commitment is powerful. Stable families are critical.

It's also helpful to remember that the genesis of marriage was pretty much… “Hey, let me make this woman my property so I can rape her whenever I want.” If your marriage is not consciously created, with an intentional commitment constantly being re-presenced, it’s too easy to fall back into old programming of “You complete me! And now I’m unhappy because of something you did!”

No. Your partner is never responsible for your happiness. EVER. Ever. Ever. And when you take responsibility for his feelings or happiness, you are taking away a piece of him, leaving him helpless.

Here are a few actionable nuggets to radically elevate the vibration of your relationship:

🌻START TO ACCEPT YOUR PARTNER, CRUSH, SPOUSE EXACTLY AS HE IS. This is not a lofty concept. This is something that comes naturally out of being settled, complete, dare I say IN LOVE with yourself. If you can't do this, either break up and find someone you can accept or do the work with a coach/energy expert to learn how to be accepting. It is an unmet need YOU have that causes you not to accept the people you claim you love.

🌻BEGIN TO LISTEN TO YOUR PARTNER, CRUSH, SPOUSE AS "SOURCE" -- MEANING, IF HE SAYS IT, IT IS RIGHT. HE IS THE SOURCE OF YOUR BRILLIANCE. You don’t need evidence. You don’t need proof. You respect him so much that anything he says about you, you CONSCIOUSLY CHOOSE to make right. From “You’re so brilliant” to “You’re so lazy for leaving that dish in the sink” (they might be in the same breath, right?).

🌻GET REAL ABOUT HOW CONTROLLING YOU ARE. “Take care of me — my way.” “Listen to me — my way.” There is nothing wrong with how he loves you. YOU are actually CONTROLLING and MANIPULATING him when you do this.

Now — 2 more points on this:

💥If you’re the only person in a relationship that’s doing any kind of self-development, you’re probably the only one that’ll feel the impact of anything left unsaid, undistinguished, or unprocessed. It is not your responsibility to manage that other person’s stuff. This may be enough to end a relationship and find one that's more on your frequency.

And —

💥 The only damn point of all of this is: to have 100% autonomy over your joy and your life. This isn’t about NOT being in relationships. This isn't about forcing something that feels hard. This is about getting to the vibrational root of your unbridled joy.

As you think, you vibrate. As you vibrate, you feel emotion.

You must begin to think thoughts that are rooted in YOUR happiness. YOUR joy. You are not a reaction to other people, even the people you love.

YOU are the creator.

This whole entire world is made up. It is a reality that begins in your thoughts.

So… that's why I quit the gym.

worry is an attack on your survival.

source:  Kallen Mikel

source: Kallen Mikel

Let’s talk about worry. There's a chance you're addicted to it.

Well, the addiction is actually to stress and drama. The emotion that manifests is worry.

Many of us do not know how to live without worry.

Even worse, you may be trapped in one of those dirty belief systems that teaches you that you're being irresponsible if you're not worrying. EW!

It's important to distinguish your worry from your responsibilities.

Basic example: you can be responsible for your bills without worrying if you can pay them.

Dare I say... you can even NOT have the means to pay your bills and release the worry about paying them (that's some high level shit!!).

Worry is just totally exhausting for your body. It lives in the stomach. Constant worry can manifest into Irritable Bowel Syndrome.

Worry is an attack on your survival.

OK, SO JUST FOR TODAY:

➿Notice your worry. Distill the emotion of worry from the actual responsibility.

➿Quietly say to yourself: "I know what it feels like to live without worry."

(NOTE: Just thinking this statement won't train the subconscious mind. You must speak it into existence. It will feel absurd to do this at first. Do it anyway.)

** Heads up, I have room to work one-on-one with 2 more women this quarter. We uplevel + release that subconscious shit that keeps you from your greatest vision. You know, the one that makes you uncomfortable to even say aloud.

Book a call if you want to start that dialogue. It's a great gift to give yourself. xo

stunning art by Kallen Mikel Art

re: the attack of women via the "fetal heartbeat" bill

Who in your life needs a slice of this cake?

It is now illegal for women to have an abortion, yet it is often expected for men to leave the woman he impregnates.

Result: oppression of women, perpetuation of poverty.

A woman can now face the death penalty for having an abortion, and the man who rapes and forcibly impregnates her will NOT face the death penalty (unless he is black or brown, of course).

Result: total control and domination of a woman’s body.

Inside the “first heartbeat detection” bill, child support at first heartbeat is not a thing.

Split payment of medical bills does not begin at first heartbeat, either.

Result: oppression of woman, perpetuation of poverty.

If I am pregnant, anti-abortion folks would fight viciously for my baby to be born but once born, fight to make it harder to receive the healthcare that would continue to keep her alive.

These are laws written and passed by men who are obsessed with controlling women.

These are laws written and passed by lawmakers committed to perpetuating poverty.

*THIS IS NOT A “PRO LIFE VS PRO CHOICE” CONVERSATION. THIS IS A VIBRATIONAL CONTROL OF WOMEN AND POVERTY THAT HAS BEEN CONDITIONED INTO OUR DNA FOR EONS AND GETS RE-WIRED HUMAN-TO-HUMAN*

Saying this is a bipartisan/GOP/liberal/political debate is like dangling a shiny toy. It’s a distraction. It’s a symptom to the true disease underneath.

If you are a man who is anti-abortion, do not have sex with women. This is a 100% effective method.

You’re also welcome to get a vascectomy.

If you have sex with a woman you are consenting to her having an abortion if you get her pregnant and she chooses not to continue the pregnancy.

How many men’s opinions would change if they actually had to take responsibility?